Sometimes when I’m watching the news and commercials I feel like I’ve smoked something that lets me see through the bullshit instead of seeing the events presented wearing rose colored glasses. Yet, like a spectator in front of a burning building surrounded by fire fighters and people braced to jump out of smoke-filled windows, I just cannot take my eyes off of the unfolding disaster.
Cut to the latest ditty about the leader of the NAACP faking her race to get ahead. Wait, she’s f-ing white?! Are you serious? She had long toe-head hair as a kid? Her parents exposed her? How did she get her hair to look that way? Why would she want people to think she was black? Perhaps to gain sympathy, scholarships, jobs and power?
Enough with the questions. Okay here is one more albeit perhaps an odd comparison. If you have kids trying to get into college, have you ever come close to what she did? I have friends who have. Their well-paid college entrance private counselors have told them to empty out their bank savings to increase the funds they can get from the state. Also, they should check something other than “caucasian” on their kids’ college applications if they can. Plus, their kids were coached that when they write their college entrance essays, they should dig deep to find their life “challenges” (like my mother turned to prostitution after my parents’ divorce….) Why? Because those challenges can weigh as much as 25% out of 100 when the admittance committee (at U.C.L.A. for example) is trying to differentiate them from a huge barrel of nothing but bright shiny apples with 4.5 grade point averages. So, heck, aren’t we all in some ways doing whatever it takes to get ahead? Not that I’m condoning this behavior. The point is that we may be guilty of similar behavior even if not such an egregious fashion.
Chris Rock said when discussing the Columbine shootings, “Ain’t anyone ever heard of CRAZY?” My hunch is that Rachel is indeed a little crazy. But crazy or not – if she is as smart as I think she must be to have pulled this off for so many years, she may be able to reinvent herself. Remember when Vanessa Williams had to give up her beauty crown when the nude photos of her were leaked? Most people don’t even remember that about her because she’s such an amazingly talented singer and Julliard trained musician who finally got to show us her substance instead of just her beautiful face. Talent always rules. But in Rachel’s case, what could she do? Write a book, “My life as an ex-white woman?” Maybe she can swab the inside of her cheek, send it to one of those DNA labs that spit your family history and ethnicity back at you like it really matters and who knows – maybe a great great grandfather was an African-American and then she can say, “Hey, I told you all I was black!”. But even if that’s the case, as some comic said when discussing some other black-ish person, the closest thing to picking cotton that she or her family ever experienced was pulling cotton out of an aspirin bottle. She probably needs a lot more aspirin lately.
I say, she may have a future helping people with flat hair style their hair to look hip because her hair is seriously impressive. Maybe some sort of electric crimper with her name on it – sold on late night TV. “Sick of your boring, flat, white-girl hair? Introducing the Rachel Dolezal Black-ish Hair Styler! If you buy one now you don’t just get one – you get TWO for the price of one!” Two races. Too many lies. Too crazy.